he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
