I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
