i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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