called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
