It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
