We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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