I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
