I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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