I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize