I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
