Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
