you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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