im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
