I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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