The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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