one two three fourrrrnication!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize