My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
