i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize