I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
