i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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