He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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