According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am mentally ready for anal.
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