Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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