Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
