I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Randomize
