Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.

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(733): View more from

i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now

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(734): View more from Michigan

I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building

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(239): View more from Florida

So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.

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(630): View more from Illinois

im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.

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(334): View more from Alabama

I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.

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