All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
