meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
