So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
