Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
