the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
