Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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