My liver just broke up with me...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
sarcasm needs its own font
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
