I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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