Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
