I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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