Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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