You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
