# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
