I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
