The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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