You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
