yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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