butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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