nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
