Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
