Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think i have two assholes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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