I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
