Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
