The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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