Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Betty ford says i'm here all night
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
