You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
