So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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