Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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