I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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