my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize