His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
