Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
