Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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