The maid of honor just puked.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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