I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
