plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
