Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
