Swine flu. Run for my life!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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