So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
