Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
