found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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