I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
