if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
