Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
